And there in the other corner was Flavor Flav, 64, decked out in a white suit and chains, and bearing a gift — and not just any gift, but a gigantic pink, rhinestone-studded clock on a necklace that he’d had custom-made with Eilish’s name on the face. He was wearing an almost identical one himself, and as he presented it to her, as if giving an offering to a priestess, she screamed and had to run around the room for a minute, she was so thrilled.
According to Flav, the unlikely duo have actually been friends forever. “When I went to meet her a long time ago, I found out that she was a very big fan of mine,” he said. He’d made the clock for her alone and had brought it with him, hoping they’d run into one another.
An hour later, Eilish was still showing off her clock to anyone who asked.
“Aw, she really likes it,” Flav said, softly, when he found out. “We put a lot of heart and soul into that clock.”
The Vanity Fair Oscars bash, which celebrated its 30th anniversary, is the one party that even your stoner cousins in Ohio want to gate-crash. It was, as usual, held in a beautiful custom-made tent in Beverly Hills, with a hall of mirrors at the entrance. Of course, half the reason anyone bothers to RSVP “yes” is to get photographed as proof that they were invited.
Everyone was putting on their best moves in front of the cameras (except for Steven Spielberg). There’s a statuesque Margot Robbie posing in a golden corset! And Emily Ratajkowski vamping it up in a gown resembling a torn-open envelope!
But first, that great equalizer, the line. John Mulaney and Olivia Munn, Issa Rae, Cynthia Erivo and Laverne Cox were all in a logjam that seemed to be caused by the train of Ashley Graham’s beaded gown needing to be fanned out around her at all times.
“I have a high maintenance dress. Excuse me!” she said, laughing. “I got this because a designer had made a dress for someone — I shouldn’t say who — and they didn’t wear it so I was like, I’ll take that one.”
“But I was lucky to find a dress because designers are still not doing it for us curvy girls. Still!”
Inside the tent, which straddled two streets abutting the Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts, Eilish by far was having the most fun. She’d brought the two childhood friends, one of whom, Zoe, she’d thanked from the stage for playing Barbie with her when they were little. They followed her to the empty dance floor, which she soon abandoned, leaving the space entirely for best director Christopher Nolan, his producer-wife Emma Thomas and their many “Oppenheimer” pals.
Bring-your-non-celeb-girlfriend-to-the-VF-party seemed to be a theme of the entire “Barbie” crew. America Ferrera had brought her college friend, Tamara, on the advice of Greta Gerwig, who likes to roll with a pack of four, sometimes six, of her best friends from growing up.
“I was very inspired by Greta,” Ferrera said. “She basically explained that you bring your friends and it makes all of the parties way more fun.”
Melissa McCarthy didn’t seem to need to import any friends as backup. She walked in and was soon locked in a dance-off with Will Arnett to Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You.” And then, just as quickly, she abandoned him to shimmy and sway with Sam Rockwell, leaving Arnett to exaggeratedly act like he’d been ditched. (Which he had — at least a little bit.)
McCarthy couldn’t remember who had designed her dress but it did have a lion’s-head door knocker directly under her sternum that she thought was a hoot.
“Knock on it! It’s very loud, ” she commanded, so of course we did — and it was … very loud. “Everyone has knocked on it. It makes me very happy,” she said, before showing off her rhinestone-encrusted cannoli-shaped clutch.
I’d actually spotted McCarthy chasing a young man down the red carpet earlier in the evening because she loved his outfit so much. “I’m always chasing people any time I think someone looks fabulous,” she said. “I pull people off the streets!”
Back in the sea of fabulous dressers, nominees Colman Domingo and Dianne Warren were comparing the bling of their outfits. Domingo had changed into a full-length Balmain coat covered in crystals and was ready for something new.
“This weighs about 30 pounds so I’m going to the car to change,” he said. “I’ve got a third outfit. It’s a night to celebrate and I told my stylist I want to feel like the whole party.”
Los Angeles Lakers Anthony Davis and LeBron James, fresh off their win against the Minnesota Timberwolves, were towering over everyone. A TV show James had produced, “Survivor’s Remorse,” was actually the first job in showbiz for Cord Jefferson, the Oscar-winning screenwriter of “American Fiction.”
When we asked James if he remembered Jefferson, he replied, “Everybody’s great!” How did he feel about Jefferson’s win? “Everybody’s great!” That’s apparently pro athlete for: “I don’t know this person, please go away.” (When we told Jefferson later, he broke into a huge grin: “That’s the perfect response,” he said.)
Director John Waters, like everyone else, was debating what exactly had happened with Al Pacino and that weird best picture announcement (“And my eyes see ‘Oppenheimer?’”). “I love when something goes wrong!” Waters said.
“Something needs to go wrong at the Oscars every year to get people talking.”
That said, celebs seemed wary of saying anything that could be construed as wrong in front of reporters. Even Bill Maher claimed, “I’m not here to talk about politics,” refusing to comment on Trump tweeting about Jimmy Kimmel’s hosting.
After all, there were more quotidian matters to attend to.
Out on the patio, Chris Evans, in a snazzy all-red suit, grabbed Adrien Brody’s shoulders as if to tell him something truly important: “I’ve had to go to the bathroom for, like, an hour,” he said.
Over at the bar, nominee Jeffrey Wright was doing a shot. His “American Fiction” co-star Erika Alexander, who is best known to Gen X for her role on “Living Single,” had stationed herself there in a gold-sequin gown. She wanted to be a part of Hollywood’s future that she’d seen with Da’Vine Joy Randolph’s win and Danielle Brooks’s nomination and producers such as Emma Stone and Margot Robbie in the world.
“A lot of people know who I am, but I needed them to grow up and those kids to [become] women in positions of power in the industry,” she said. And so she’d been wheeling and dealing all evening and looking for jobs. She joked that it must have been the White Negroni she’d been drinking that had given her such blind faith in herself.
Back on the dance floor, it seemed like everyone was now dancing with an Oscar. There were so many to go around that one was even casually plopped onto the top of a banquette, where it sat all alone. Later on, two women stood guard in front of it. “The winner is aware,” they said, clearly having had to fend off plenty of worried inquiries. (Turns out, it belonged to the production designers of “Poor Things.”)
Then, just as the party seemed to be winding down around 12:30 a.m., the “Anatomy of a Fall” crew rolled in about a dozen deep and enthusiastically started downing tequila that was served in edible chocolate shot glasses.
Justine Triet, clutching her Oscar for best original screenplay, refused. “Ne plus alcohol!” we heard. (She soon had a glass of champagne in hand, so maybe it was lost in translation …)
Missing from their crew: Messi the dog, who’d whooped it up at the Neon party and now was sleeping.
Heading out, actress Hari Nef said the two things that had delighted her the most at the ceremony were Ryan Gosling’s big “I’m Just Ken” number and Messi the dog.
“It makes me want to create a new category: Best performance by an animal,” she said. “I could nominate a few people here tonight.”